My boss told me "It's not rocket science." Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.
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When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job.
Got to work this morning and my boss told me 'have a good day', so I went home and had a great day!
My boss asked me where I see myself in 5 years. I told him if his hair keeps falling out, I'll see myself in his bald spot.
If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook.
My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour.
My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Retirement is great, you get to be your own boss and tell yourself to do nothing all day.
Working in a team means spending half your time convincing the others that your idea is better than theirs.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.
Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.
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