Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with.
Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
A joke is a very serious thing.
If there is a wrong way to do something, then someone will do it.
Edward A. Murphy (Murphy's Law)
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
We have to do the impossible, but it is possible.
I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.
If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.
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