You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.
Birthdays are nature's way of feeding us cake.
If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece.
I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake.
I eat cake because it's someone's birthday somewhere today.
I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it's someone's birthday and I like to celebrate.
Growing up is amazing, until you get old!
I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.
Life is the dash between the birth date and the passed away date.
In America, it is not important how much an item costs, it's more important how much you can save when you buy it.
"Oh you want to have your cake and eat it too?" Darn right, what good is cake if you can't eat it ?
I stretch my arms, I bend my knees, I straighten my neck, and they are all crunching. Conclusion: I'm not getting older, I'm getting more crunchy.
How do I like my eggs? In a cake.
Some days I wish I had the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 3 year old.
Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake.
You know you're an adult when you get excited about a new cleaning sponge at the kitchen sink.
I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.
I always knew I'd get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.
The older I get, the less surprised I'd be if a random body part just fell off one day.
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.
When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
My four moods: I'm too old for doing that. I'm too tired for doing that. I'm too sober for doing that. I don't have time for doing that.
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