When is yelling during a robbery a bad idea? When you have gold teeth.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...
Naked Gun (Movie)
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why is the sky blue? Sure there is an explanation, but lets just be thankful it's not red!
Why was the rabbit chasing the frog? Because the frog kept calling out "riaabit.. riabbit.."
When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?'
To be a good hunter you need good eyes, a steady hand, and a loud voice so you can yell for help when you're in a tree top.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.
The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following.
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Did you ever notice, whenever you need your keys the most, that's when they're the hardest to find?
Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers.
One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!
