Rita Rudner Quote

Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer.

Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!

I love you forever... but I can't live that long.

You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again.

Marriage is like a hot bath, once you get used to it it's not so hot any more.

If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline.