If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer.
When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?'
Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light.
I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car.
Most of us don't realize it, but we're all part of something much bigger than ourselves, and we're all connected in some way, not just through Facebook.
I'm going to open a new Facebook account named 'Anonymous' so all the cool quotes will be attributed to me!
Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could!
Facebook status: I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion.
Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account.
I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.
Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.
I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.
There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link.
If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook.
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits."
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket."
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.
Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car.
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