If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.Woody Allen
I'm going to open a new Facebook account named 'Anonymous' so all the cool quotes will be attributed to me!
Facebook status: I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion.Anonymous
Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account.Anonymous
Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.Anonymous
I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.Anonymous
There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link.Anonymous
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket."Anonymous
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.Anonymous
I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up.Anonymous