Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer.
A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking you for tonight's dinner!' The fish replies 'I already ate, can we go somewhere else?' Anonymous
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'Anonymous
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.Anonymous
I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.Anonymous
Alcohol doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean... against tables, chairs and walls.Anonymous
All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza.Anonymous
Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle.Anonymous