You can teach a cat to do anything that it wants to do.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A. Whitney Brown
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.
If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump.
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How does the confused dog bark? Wutf? Wutf?
You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.
A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers: a lioness.
What are the two magic words that you can always use to make a shark happy? "Man Overboard!"
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers.
You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!
I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.
Dear life, I understand very clearly that you are not fair so you can stop teaching me that lesson.
What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys and turkeys.
Never play poker with the world's fastest animal, because he's a cheetah.
Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.
Pro Tip: In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place weiners and/or cheese slices in your pockets so the search dogs can find you first.
Bought a talking parrot today and taught him to say "Help, I've been turned into a parrot."
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