When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep.
He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.
Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out... I mean, don't they have thoughts?
I'm off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.
I'm not sure how long my body can handle this "getting out of bed early in the morning" nonsense.
My bed wasn't feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.
I haven't even gone to bed yet and I already can't wait to get home from work tomorrow.
Just once I'd like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear "Monday has been cancelled," and then go back to sleep.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
Working in a team means spending half your time convincing the others that your idea is better than theirs.
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