Nutrition labels should include an "What if I ate the whole thing" section.
I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.
If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece.
Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them.
An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.
Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I'm eating tacos. Follow your dreams!
When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don't answer because I'm eating.
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you're hungry, and want to stay that way.
Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.
One day you're 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you're 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
After a lot of research, scientists have concluded that the most vitamins are found in the pharmacy.
A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.
A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking you for tonight's dinner!' The fish replies 'I already ate, can we go somewhere else?'
What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute!
You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.
New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.
I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
I'm so sorry about what I said when I was hungry.
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