I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today.
All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you. Anonymous
Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up. Anonymous
"Tomorrow is another day..." Oh sorry, I thought the world is ending today. Anonymous
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. Anonymous
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first. Anonymous
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face! Anonymous
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite. Anonymous
All of us light up a room, some when they enter, others when they leave. Anonymous
It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. Anonymous
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day. Anonymous
I wake up looking better every day, but today I'm exaggerating. Anonymous
Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. Anonymous
Sharks are not so bad... If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too. Anonymous
Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow. Anonymous
Today I will live in the moment... unless that moment becomes unpleasant, in which case I'll take a nap. Anonymous