I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today.
Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon.
I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up.
"Tomorrow is another day..." Oh sorry, I thought the world is ending today.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite.
All of us light up a room, some when they enter, others when they leave.
It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.
I wake up looking better every day, but today I'm exaggerating.
Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying.
Sharks are not so bad... If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too.
Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.
Today I will live in the moment... unless that moment becomes unpleasant, in which case I'll take a nap.
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
I don't like morning people... or mornings, or people.
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