I end all my sentences with "Just saying.." because ending them with "You bonehead.." would probably be considered offensive.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. Anonymous
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first. Anonymous
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face! Anonymous
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite. Anonymous
All of us light up a room, some when they enter, others when they leave. Anonymous
If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears. Sigmund Freud
It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day. Anonymous
Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. Anonymous
Sharks are not so bad... If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too. Anonymous
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong. Anonymous
I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up. Anonymous
Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number. Anonymous
When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver. Anonymous
A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could only have one book, what would it be? I always say 'How to Build a Boat.' Steven Alexander Wright
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life. Anonymous