A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
just once I'd like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.
Everything happening now happens because of everything that has happened before.
It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase all doubt.
What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute!
I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
My windows aren't dirty, my dog is painting.
Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
How do you feel when the coffee machine is out coffee? Depresso.
I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think.
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour.
I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars.
You never know what you have, until you clean your closet.
Why can't cats work on the computer? They get too distracted chasing the mouse around.
To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.
Cleaning the house while your kids are still home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.
Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.
Always run away from temptations... but slowly, so they can catch up to you.
When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't like the thought of being gone so long!
So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.
I don't understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.
How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.
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