Anonymous Funny Quotes

Home / Authors / Anonymous / Page 15

A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! - Anonymous

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote!

Been there done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn. - Anonymous

Been there done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.

Sayings

As your best friend I'll always pick you up when you fall, after I finish laughing. - Anonymous

As your best friend I'll always pick you up when you fall, after I finish laughing.

Friend Quotes

Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years. - Anonymous

Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. - Anonymous

With great power comes an even greater electricity bill.

Why can't cats work on the computer? They get too distracted chasing the mouse around.

Why can't cats work on the computer? They get too distracted chasing the mouse around.

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.

How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you. - Anonymous

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

Work Quotes

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious. - Anonymous

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Eat Quotes

I would go out of my mind, but I can't find the exit. - Anonymous

I would go out of my mind, but I can't find the exit.

"Made with love," means I licked the spoon and kept using it. - Anonymous

"Made with love," means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

Don't make me laugh, I'm trying to be mad at you. - Anonymous

Don't make me laugh, I'm trying to be mad at you.

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas. - Anonymous

Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.

Tell me what is your dream job? In my dreams I don't work. - Anonymous

Tell me what is your dream job? In my dreams I don't work.

There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation. - Anonymous

There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.

What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute! - Anonymous

What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute!

Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there. - Anonymous

Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there.

I already want to take a nap tomorrow. - Anonymous

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

I don't understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free. - Anonymous

I don't understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

Life is not about how you survive the storm, it's about how you dance in the rain. - Anonymous

Life is not about how you survive the storm, it's about how you dance in the rain.

Life Quotes

There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link.

There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link.