Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much. Anonymous

Life Quotes People Quotes Top 100

How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost? - Anonymous

How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost? Anonymous

Man Quotes Questions Short Quotes

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful. - Anonymous

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Life Quotes Sleep Quotes

Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer.

Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer. Anonymous

Beer Quotes Drinking Eat Quotes

I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits." - Anonymous

I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits." Anonymous

Facebook Friend Quotes Top 100

My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work.

My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work. Anonymous

Phone Stupid Quotes Work Quotes

If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline. - Anonymous

If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline. Anonymous

Phone Witty Quotes

When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right.

When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right. Anonymous

Happy Quotes Know Quotes Life Quotes

I'm just going to flip this omelette... Okay, we're having scrambled eggs. - Anonymous

I'm just going to flip this omelette... Okay, we're having scrambled eggs. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Learning a foreign language is pointless, I’m not even allowed to talk to strangers. - Anonymous

Learning a foreign language is pointless, I’m not even allowed to talk to strangers. Anonymous

I'm not stubborn, my way is just better than yours. Anonymous

Know Quotes Short Quotes

When someone asks where you see yourself in 5 years... Buddy, I'm just trying to make it to Friday. - Anonymous

When someone asks where you see yourself in 5 years... Buddy, I'm just trying to make it to Friday. Anonymous

My taste in music ranges from "You've gotta listen to this" to "I know, please don't judge me." - Anonymous

My taste in music ranges from "You've gotta listen to this" to "I know, please don't judge me." Anonymous

Know Quotes Wise Quotes

The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!

The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep! Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X. - Anonymous

Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X. Anonymous

Math Quotes Wise Quotes

Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met. Anonymous

Happy Quotes Marriage Quotes Short Quotes

I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed. - Anonymous

I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed. Anonymous

Life Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them. - Anonymous

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them. Anonymous

Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job. - Anonymous

Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job. Anonymous

Think Quotes Work Quotes

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can't beat surfing the net. - Anonymous

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can't beat surfing the net. Anonymous

Internet Life Quotes Short Quotes

Think of a number between 1 and 10. Multiply it by 9 and subtract 1. Now close your eyes. It's dark isn't it? - Anonymous

Think of a number between 1 and 10. Multiply it by 9 and subtract 1. Now close your eyes. It's dark isn't it? Anonymous

Math Quotes Think Quotes

If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing? - Anonymous

If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing? Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes

If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won't feel like you are lonely any more. - Anonymous

If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won't feel like you are lonely any more. Anonymous

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. - Anonymous

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. Anonymous

Money Quotes People Quotes Sayings