A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
My windows aren't dirty, my dog is painting.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think.
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour.
That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.
I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars.
You never know what you have, until you clean your closet.
To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.
Cleaning the house while your kids are still home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.
Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.
Always run away from temptations... but slowly, so they can catch up to you.
When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't like the thought of being gone so long!
So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.
I don't understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.
Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing.
How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.
To make time fly, throw your watch out the window.
I stretch my arms, I bend my knees, I straighten my neck, and they are all crunching. Conclusion: I'm not getting older, I'm getting more crunchy.
When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don't answer because I'm eating.
Been there done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live.
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.
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