Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Been there done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn. - Anonymous

Been there done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.

Sayings

Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor. - Anonymous

Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years. - Anonymous

Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.

Friends are like walls, sometimes you lean on them and sometimes it's good just knowing they're there. - Anonymous

Friends are like walls, sometimes you lean on them and sometimes it's good just knowing they're there.

Cleaning the house while your kids are still home is like shoveling.

Cleaning the house while your kids are still home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.

Analogies

I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live. - Anonymous

I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live.

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you. - Anonymous

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

Work Quotes

$I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved. - Anonymous$

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. - Anonymous

My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour.

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice. - Anonymous

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Sayings

Dear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge. - Anonymous

Dear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link.

There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link.

Bathroom sign above toilet: It's like basketball, the basket is bigger than the ball! Learn to score properly!

Stupid Quotes

Do I run? Yes.. Out of time, patients and money. - Anonymous

Do I run? Yes.. Out of time, patients and money.

Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix. - Anonymous

Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix.

As your best friend I'll always pick you up when you fall, after I finish laughing. - Anonymous

As your best friend I'll always pick you up when you fall, after I finish laughing.

Friend Quotes

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working. - Anonymous

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

The only relationship I have is with my Wi-Fi. We have a connection. - Anonymous

The only relationship I have is with my Wi-Fi. We have a connection.

I'm off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky. - Anonymous

I'm off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

I would go out of my mind, but I can't find the exit. - Anonymous

I would go out of my mind, but I can't find the exit.

Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there. - Anonymous

Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there.

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I already want to take a nap tomorrow. - Anonymous

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself. - Anonymous

You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.