Top 100 Funny Quotes

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Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite. - Anonymous
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite. Anonymous
People Quotes Phone Short Quotes
Retirement is when you stop living at work, and start working at living. - Anonymous
Retirement is when you stop living at work, and start working at living. Anonymous
Life Quotes Short Quotes Work Quotes
My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station. - Anonymous
My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station. Anonymous
Marriage Quotes Wife Quotes
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I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.
I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. Anonymous
Know Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes
Why do dentists use more anesthetic for longer procedures? So you won't be able to run away when it's time to pay the bill. - Anonymous
Why do dentists use more anesthetic for longer procedures? So you won't be able to run away when it's time to pay the bill. Anonymous
Questions Time Quotes
The road to success is always under construction.
The road to success is always under construction. Lily Tomlin
Sayings Short Quotes
You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!'
You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!' Anonymous
Know Quotes Stupid Quotes
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Famous Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. - Albert Einstein
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. Albert Einstein
Famous Quotes Love Quotes People Quotes
All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza. - Anonymous
All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Know Quotes Sayings
I'm not a morning person. I'm not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm. - Anonymous
I'm not a morning person. I'm not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too. Anonymous
Money Quotes Short Quotes
When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. - Anonymous
When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Short Quotes
It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose.
It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
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