If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them.
The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link.
Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don't you let them?
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
He who laughs last didn't get it.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
William Charles Dement
The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.
Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.
The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.
I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another....
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.
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