Top 100 Funny Quotes

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Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet. - Anonymous
Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet. Anonymous
Sayings
Living on earth may be tough, but it includes a free ride around the sun every year.
Living on earth may be tough, but it includes a free ride around the sun every year. Anonymous
Life Quotes
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. - Anonymous
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Short Quotes
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I always say "morning" instead of "good morning", because if it was a good morning, I'd still be asleep. - Anonymous
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning", because if it was a good morning, I'd still be asleep. Anonymous
Good Quotes Lazy Quotes Life Quotes
You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident." - Anonymous
You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident." Anonymous
Friend Quotes Short Quotes
I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten. - Anonymous
I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten. Anonymous
Life Quotes Time Quotes
You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

Rita Rudner

Know Quotes Questions Think Quotes
Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. - Anonymous
Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. Anonymous
Questions Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. - Anonymous
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Anonymous
Life Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes
You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me... I'll train you. - Anonymous
You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me... I'll train you. Anonymous
Friend Quotes Short Quotes
just once I'd like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal. - Anonymous
just once I'd like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal. Anonymous
Wise Quotes
I don't like violence but I don't mind if I get hit by luck. - Anonymous
I don't like violence but I don't mind if I get hit by luck. Anonymous
Life Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? - Anonymous
If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? Anonymous
Eat Quotes Questions Short Quotes
Cheer myself up.
I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems. Anonymous
Moments Time Quotes
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