It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
Louis Hector Berlioz
To make time fly, throw your watch out the window.
Most of us don't realize it, but we're all part of something much bigger than ourselves, and we're all connected in some way, not just through Facebook.
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote!
I'm going to open a new Facebook account named 'Anonymous' so all the cool quotes will be attributed to me!
Facebook status: I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion.
Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account.
I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.
Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.
I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.
There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link.
If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook.
Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep.
I don't have the time or crayons to explain myself to you.
I just got off a flight that crossed through five time zones. Does that make me a time traveler?
I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits."
CoolFunnyQuotes.com © 2020