Two mysterious people live in my house. "Somebody" and "Nobody." Somebody did it and nobody knows who.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.
I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this."
Never let anyone treat you like regular glue. You're glitter glue.
I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.
Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.
I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.
You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.
Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching. If the snow gets much worse, I might let him inside the house.
Cleaning the house while your kids are still home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.
In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.
Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.
For the best seat in the house, you'll have to move the dog.
Love is like a tornado, picks you up off your feet and sometimes takes half your house.
Sharks are not so bad... If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too.
I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.
I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here.
They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it.
I'm stuck between "I need to save money" and "You only live once."
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