Anonymous Quote

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You can trust your dog to guard your house.

You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.

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If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?

If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How does the confused dog bark? Wutf? Wutf?

When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half eaten sandwich. - Violet Matters

When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half eaten sandwich.

Violet Matters

I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.

I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.

Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute. - Anonymous

Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute.

Pro Tip: In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place weiners and/or cheese slices in your pockets so the search dogs can find you first. - Anonymous

Pro Tip: In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place weiners and/or cheese slices in your pockets so the search dogs can find you first.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

A. Whitney Brown

Animals

Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours?

What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna pee on myself.

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?' - Anonymous

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?'

Newspaper Ad. FREE PUPPIES: Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbors dog. - Anonymous

Newspaper Ad. FREE PUPPIES: Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbors dog.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing, right in your ear. - Dave Barry

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing, right in your ear.

Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.

Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.

John Peer

What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump. - Anonymous

What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. - Henny Youngman

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.

I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.

A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.

A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking you for tonight's dinner!' The fish replies 'I already ate, can we go somewhere else?'

Photo of lioness sitting on grass with quotation about lion being afraid.

A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers: a lioness.

Animals

Near year 2013, resolutions you can keep.

New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.

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