Anonymous Quote

If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How does the confused dog bark? Wutf? Wutf?

Anonymous

When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half eaten sandwich.

Violet Matters

I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.

Anonymous

Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute.

Anonymous

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?'

Anonymous

Newspaper Ad. FREE PUPPIES: Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbors dog.

Anonymous

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Groucho Marx

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing, right in your ear.

Dave Barry

Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.

John Peer

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Henny Youngman

I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.

Anonymous

A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking you for tonight's dinner!' The fish replies 'I already ate, can we go somewhere else?'

Anonymous

A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers: a lioness.

Anonymous

New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.

Anonymous

I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

Anonymous

I'm so sorry about what I said when I was hungry.

Anonymous

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

Anonymous

Don't believe everything fortune cookies tells you. Just because they're sweet doesn't mean they're right.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com