You never run out of things that can go wrong.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
If there is a wrong way to do something, then someone will do it.
Edward A. Murphy (Murphy's Law)
We have to do the impossible, but it is possible.
Don't press your luck, you might pop it.
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.
Everyone wants your best! Don't let them take it away from you.
It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.
I wake up looking better every day, but today I'm exaggerating.
If you know something will go wrong and you do everything to stop it from happening, then something else will go wrong.
I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.
Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?
I think I may need professional help... A chef, a butler and a maid should be enough.
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm really scared, you guys.
Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
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