You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.
More Quotes by Steven Alexander Wright
Never test how deep the water is with both feet.
If someone says "Who are you gonna call?" and your instinct is to say "Ghostbusters" then I probably don't want to know you.
I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad!
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
Why is the sky blue? Sure there is an explanation, but lets just be thankful it's not red!
Why was the rabbit chasing the frog? Because the frog kept calling out "riaabit.. riabbit.."
When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?'
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.
A joke is a very serious thing.
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