Top 100 Funny Quotes

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You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. - Anonymous
You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
Don't drink to forget me, you'll end up seeing me double. - Anonymous
Don't drink to forget me, you'll end up seeing me double. Anonymous
Beer Quotes Drinking Short Quotes
Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet. - Anonymous
Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet. Anonymous
Sayings
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My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. - Anonymous
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Short Quotes
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years. - Anonymous
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Questions Short Quotes
If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them. - Anonymous
If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them. Anonymous
Life Quotes People Quotes Phone
I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor. Anonymous
Animals Dog Quotes Eat Quotes
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Woody Allen
Marriage Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things. - Anonymous
Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things. Anonymous
Life Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes
Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. - Anonymous
Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. Anonymous
Short Quotes Witty Quotes
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me...
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. Anonymous
Sayings
Cheer myself up.
I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems. Anonymous
Moments Time Quotes
When you fall, I will be there to catch you.
When you fall, I will be there to catch you - With love, the floor. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!
The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does! Anonymous
Know Quotes Life Quotes Phone
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