I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.
Why can't cats work on the computer? They get too distracted chasing the mouse around.
I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer.
I don't care when people honk at me, but when geese do, I get out of the way!
If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
Newspaper Ad. FREE PUPPIES: Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbors dog.
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing, right in your ear.
The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following.
Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.
God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages.
Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees
The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.
Most of us don't realize it, but we're all part of something much bigger than ourselves, and we're all connected in some way, not just through Facebook.
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
I'm so sorry about what I said when I was hungry.
You can teach a cat to do anything that it wants to do.
I'm going to open a new Facebook account named 'Anonymous' so all the cool quotes will be attributed to me!
Facebook status: I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion.
Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account.
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