Anonymous Quote

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, 'Send one of my bags to New York, one to Los Angeles, and one to Miami.' She said, 'We can't do that!' I told her, 'You did it last week!'

Henny Youngman

Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members.

Anonymous

I don't have the time or crayons to explain myself to you.

Anonymous

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

Anonymous

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Anonymous

It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Anonymous

I'm not lazy, I'm waiting for inspiration to hit me... should be here any time now.

Anonymous

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

Anonymous

They say the best things take time. That's why I'm always late.

Anonymous

Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account.

Anonymous

Me: For the first time in life, things seem to be getting better. :)
Life: LOL, give me a second!

Anonymous

The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!

Anonymous

As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.

Tom Goins

When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!

Anonymous

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Groucho Marx

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

Louis Hector Berlioz

I don't have the time or crayons to explain myself to you.

Anonymous

To make time fly, throw your watch out the window.

Anonymous

Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time...

Anonymous

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

Art Buchwald