Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching. If the snow gets much worse, I might let him inside the house.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar. Anonymous
When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn't then go in through the window. Anonymous
Cleaning the house while your kids are still home is like shoveling while it's still snowing. Anonymous
It snowed so much last night that this morning my backyard was full of penguins. Anonymous
Marriage is like a hot bath, once you get used to it it's not so hot any more. Anonymous
Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.
I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here. Anonymous
Two mysterious people live in my house. "Somebody" and "Nobody." Somebody did it and nobody knows who. Anonymous
My darling, this scenery makes me speechless. Husband: Perfect, we're setting up tent here. Anonymous
Husband: I am a grown man, stop mothering me. Also husband: Have you seen my keys? Have you seen my wallet? Where did we park? I don't have clean underwear. Anonymous
Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met. Anonymous
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. Joey Adams
Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer. Anonymous
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution? Groucho Marx
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Woody Allen
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. Benjamin Franklin
The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.' Anonymous
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. Henny Youngman