When I tried to do a search for marital advise on Google, it tried to finish my sentence for me, just like my wife does.
Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met. Anonymous
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
My wife never gives up. She is so insistent that she entered the wrong password over and over again until she managed to convince the computer that she's right! Anonymous
So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff. Anonymous
Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer. Anonymous
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Woody Allen
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. Henny Youngman
I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry. Anonymous
My wife loves me so much, she tries her best to attract me to her. The other day she put on a perfume that smells like a computer. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife! Anonymous
My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station. Anonymous
If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears. Sigmund Freud
I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. Anonymous
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. Anonymous
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way. Sam Levenson
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. Joey Adams
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar. Anonymous
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution? Groucho Marx
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Dave Barry
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.