The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.
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When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.
When is the longer way always better than the shorter one? When you're a taxi driver.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.
Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.
What is the difference between having a cold beer and going to the bathroom? About 35 minutes.
I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!'
How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Let's have a beer together, you can open it and I will drink it.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Alcohol, what's that? It's not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in whiskypedia.
Hate your job? Join our support group! It’s called EVERYBODY. We meet at the bar.
Don't drink to forget me, you'll end up seeing me double.
Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer.
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