When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
More Quotes by Henny Youngman
The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.
Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.
Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.
What is the difference between having a cold beer and going to the bathroom? About 35 minutes.
I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Let's have a beer together, you can open it and I will drink it.
Alcohol, what's that? It's not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in whiskypedia.
Hate your job? Join our support group! It’s called EVERYBODY. We meet at the bar.
Don't drink to forget me, you'll end up seeing me double.
Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer.
I don't have a drinking problem, I have thirst problem.
I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.
