There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer.
It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.
Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
When I saw the monkeys at the zoo it reminded me of watching political debates on TV.
Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.
Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn't seen my big screen TV.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Ultimate lazy moment: Watching the sunrise on TV because you're too lazy to get up and watch it for real.
Most of us don't realize it, but we're all part of something much bigger than ourselves, and we're all connected in some way, not just through Facebook.
What is the difference between having a cold beer and going to the bathroom? About 35 minutes.
New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
I'm going to open a new Facebook account named 'Anonymous' so all the cool quotes will be attributed to me!
Facebook status: I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion.
Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account.
How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.
Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.
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