Sometimes I get road rage just pushing a shopping cart in a supermarket.
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'
It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.
The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
When is the longer way always better than the shorter one? When you're a taxi driver.
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Store front sign: Entire store on sale, everything $1 or more.
You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!'
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going.
The traffic is so slow today that I read two books, ate lunch, dinner, replied to all my emails, and I still haven't got to work yet.
You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here.
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you're shopping for something else because they just won't budge.
I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me.
The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.
Honestly, shopping beats therapy, anytime. It costs the same and you get a dress out of it.
It's not that I want more shoes, it's just that they keep making them in my size.
Shopping is the only exercise I need.
CoolFunnyQuotes.com © 2020