Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired? - Anonymous
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired? Anonymous
Questions Short Quotes
Do I run? Yes.. Out of time, patients and money. - Anonymous
Do I run? Yes.. Out of time, patients and money. Anonymous
Exercise Quotes Life Quotes Money Quotes
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer. Anonymous
Beer Quotes Drinking Facebook
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Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.
Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly. Anonymous
Internet Top 100
Learning a foreign language is pointless, I’m not even allowed to talk to strangers. - Anonymous
Learning a foreign language is pointless, I’m not even allowed to talk to strangers. Anonymous
Life Quotes
Smiles are contagious... be a carrier. - Anonymous
Smiles are contagious... be a carrier. Anonymous
Happy Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes
Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet. - Anonymous
Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet. Anonymous
Sayings Top 100
My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station. - Anonymous
My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station. Anonymous
Marriage Quotes Top 100 Wife Quotes
Been there done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn. - Anonymous
Been there done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn. Anonymous
Sayings
Me: What a terrible day. Mom: Be more positive! Me: What a beautiful terrible day. - Anonymous
Me: What a terrible day. Mom: Be more positive! Me: What a beautiful terrible day. Anonymous
Life Quotes
A few days ago I lost my weapon of Math instruction... my trusty pocket calculator. - Anonymous
A few days ago I lost my weapon of Math instruction... my trusty pocket calculator. Anonymous
Math Quotes Wise Quotes
Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.
Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry. Anonymous
Drinking Never Quotes Stupid Quotes
Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. - Anonymous
Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes Top 100
Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. - Anonymous
Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there. - Anonymous
For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there. Anonymous
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