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Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members. - Anonymous

Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members.

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Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. - Anonymous

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

Anonymous

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

Groucho Marx

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

Anonymous

There was a time when people said, 'Jim, if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that.' Now they just say, 'Pay him!'

Jim Carey

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The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. - Albert Einstein

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.

Albert Einstein

The hardest thing to find in life is happiness.

The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.

Benjamin Franklin

I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, 'Send one of my bags to New York, one to Los Angeles, and one to Miami.' She said, 'We can't do that!' I told her, 'You did it last week!'

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, 'Send one of my bags to New York, one to Los Angeles, and one to Miami.' She said, 'We can't do that!' I told her, 'You did it last week!'

Henny Youngman

I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

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What is the one machine at your local gym you should use to impress the ladies? The bank machine.

What is the one machine at your local gym you should use to impress the ladies? The bank machine.

Anonymous

It doesn't matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.

Anonymous

One day my wife's credit card got stolen.

One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!

Anonymous

Christmas is a competition between who gives up first: Your feet or your wallet. - Anonymous

Christmas is a competition between who gives up first: Your feet or your wallet.

Anonymous

In America, it is not important how much an item costs, it's more important how much you can save when you buy it.

In America, it is not important how much an item costs, it's more important how much you can save when you buy it.

Anonymous

Actual meanings of various terms.

Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.

Anonymous

I looked into my wallet and it was empty, I looked through all my pockets and they were all empty.

I looked into my wallet and it was empty, I looked through all my pockets and they were all empty. Then I looked into my heart and I found you, and only then I figured out how rich I was.

Anonymous

They say money doesn't bring happiness, but everyone still wants to prove it.

They say money doesn't bring happiness, but everyone still wants to prove it for themselves.

Anonymous

Your bank account can be overdrawn, but it can never be overfilled. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Your bank account can be overdrawn, but it can never be overfilled.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right.

When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right.

Anonymous

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