I wish my wallet came with free refills.
Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.
Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.
Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.
There was a time when people said, 'Jim, if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that.' Now they just say, 'Pay him!'
Cavities are like parking tickets, they show up by surprise and take all your pocket money.
I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
What is the one machine at your local gym you should use to impress the ladies? The bank machine.
When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
Please God, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.
Your bank account can be overdrawn, but it can never be overfilled.
Do I run? Yes.. Out of time, patients and money.
They say money doesn't bring happiness, but everyone still wants to prove it for themselves.
I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house.
No matter how bad it gets I'm always rich when I go to the dollar store.
It doesn't matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.
Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members.
Minimum wage is like work enthusiasm, it disappears quickly.
One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!
Christmas is a competition between who gives up first: Your feet or your wallet.
In America, it is not important how much an item costs, it's more important how much you can save when you buy it.
Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
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