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One day my wife's credit card got stolen.

One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!

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Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

Anonymous

Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer. - Anonymous

Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer.

Anonymous

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Woody Allen

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. - Henny Youngman

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Henny Youngman

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I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry. - Anonymous

I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry.

Anonymous

When I tried to do a search for marital advise on Google, it tried to finish my sentence for me, just like my wife does.

Anonymous

My wife never gives up. She is so insistent that she entered the wrong password over and over again until she managed to convince the computer that she's right!

Anonymous

My wife loves me so much, she tries her best to attract me to her. The other day she put on a perfume that smells like a computer.

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I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station. - Anonymous

My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station.

Anonymous

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If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears. - Sigmund Freud

If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.

Sigmund Freud

I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.

I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.

Anonymous

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. - Anonymous

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

Anonymous

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

Groucho Marx

Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx

Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?

Groucho Marx

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Rita Rudner

The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following.

The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following.

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They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

Anonymous

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

Benjamin Franklin

There was a time when people said, 'Jim, if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that.' Now they just say, 'Pay him!'

Jim Carey

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