When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess.
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
Genius without education is like silver in the mine.
In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.
New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.
Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch.
For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.
Sometimes I can't tell if I'm in preschool or school... Oh wait, I'm at work.
If I had just one hour left to live, I'd spend it in Math class... it never ends.
I don't always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don't know exactly what they do.
I don't want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.
Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation?
When the teacher said "Don't forget to bring clothes for Gym," I thought "Who is Jim and why doesn't he bring his own clothes?"
I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run.
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
I am too lazy to be lazy.
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