Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Erma Bombeck
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Anonymous
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Dave Barry
Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them. Anonymous
Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute. Anonymous
Never run away when you see a bear, unless you know you can beat some of the other runners. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human. Anonymous
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film. Anonymous
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. Anonymous