If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece.
I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it's someone's birthday and I like to celebrate.
I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.
You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.
"Oh you want to have your cake and eat it too?" Darn right, what good is cake if you can't eat it ?
Birthdays are nature's way of feeding us cake.
How do I like my eggs? In a cake.
I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake.
Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them.
I eat cake because it's someone's birthday somewhere today.
Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.
Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I'm eating tacos. Follow your dreams!
When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don't answer because I'm eating.
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you're hungry, and want to stay that way.
Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.
Nutrition labels should include an "What if I ate the whole thing" section.
Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Life is the dash between the birth date and the passed away date.
A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.
A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking you for tonight's dinner!' The fish replies 'I already ate, can we go somewhere else?'
You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.
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