I wanted to make a clever chemistry joke, but the best ones argon.
A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first. Anonymous
I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal. Anonymous
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. Albert Einstein
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. Albert Einstein
I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious. Anonymous
Treat me like a joke and I'll leave you like it's funny. Anonymous
Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there. Anonymous
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. Steven Alexander Wright
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. Steven Alexander Wright
Whether you give a crap or don't give a crap, nobody wants crap anyway! CoolFunnyQuotes.com
I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' Anonymous
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion. Anger: The emotion that puts your fist in motion. Lesson: Don't be afraid or angry and you won't have to run and fight. CoolFunnyQuotes.com