Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing, right in your ear.
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn't even know they knew how to knit.
Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.
I was thinking of getting a German Shepherd once, but I didn't want to learn another language just to have a dog.
Two mice are eating a movie film roll at a cinema when one says to the other: this movie is good, but the book was better!
My windows aren't dirty, my dog is painting.
How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff. How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf. How does the confused dog bark? Wutf? Wutf?
What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna pee on myself.
The only thing you have to fear is fear itself... and spiders.
Bought a talking parrot today and taught him to say "Help, I've been turned into a parrot."
God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages.
How was the dog's day? Ruff.
The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
To be a good hunter you need good eyes, a steady hand, and a loud voice so you can yell for help when you're in a tree top.
If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
The best way to show a giraffe your love is to knit a scarf for it.
Newspaper Ad. FREE PUPPIES: Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbors dog.
What are the two magic words that you can always use to make a shark happy? "Man Overboard!"
In spring birds return from their tropical vacation. Six months later they regret their decision and go back.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking you for tonight's dinner!' The fish replies 'I already ate, can we go somewhere else?'
Never run away when you see a bear, unless you know you can beat some of the other runners.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following.
