Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.
I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Anonymous
Why can't cats work on the computer? They get too distracted chasing the mouse around. Anonymous
If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way. Mark Twain
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Today I saw a woman talking to her cat, she really thought the cat understood. I told my dog when I got home... we both had a good laugh. Anonymous
Kids: How come the closet is completely full of toilet paper? Me: We're getting 3 cats, we have to pad all the walls in the house. Anonymous
You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted! Anonymous
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. Anonymous
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. Woody Allen
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. Anonymous
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. Henny Youngman
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories... Steven Alexander Wright
It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too, and the day before that. Anonymous
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people. Anonymous