When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
A girl called me once and said "come over, nobody is home!" I went there and she was right, nobody was home!
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice' ?
Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection!
What is the one machine at your local gym you should use to impress the ladies? The bank machine.
If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z - keeping your mouth shut.
Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes.
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