Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart. - Anonymous
Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart. Anonymous
Love Quotes Marriage Quotes
Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute. - Anonymous
Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute. Anonymous
Never Quotes People Quotes Phone
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. - Anonymous
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Top 100
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You can trust your dog to guard your house.
You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich. Anonymous
Animals Dog Quotes Eat Quotes
You know what part I like about waking up early? None.. let me go back to sleep. - Anonymous
You know what part I like about waking up early? None.. let me go back to sleep. Anonymous
Know Quotes Life Quotes Sleep Quotes
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor. - Anonymous
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor. Anonymous
Exercise Quotes Wise Quotes
Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%. - Anonymous
Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%. Anonymous
Life Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic. Anonymous
My windows aren't dirty, my dog is painting. - Anonymous
My windows aren't dirty, my dog is painting. Anonymous
Animals Dog Quotes Short Quotes
That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master. - Anonymous
That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master. Anonymous
Moments Top 100
Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway. - Anonymous
Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway. Anonymous
Life Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. Anonymous
Short Quotes TV Quotes Work Quotes
"Well at least I don't have to wake up any more." Is what I want my tombstone to say. - Anonymous
"Well at least I don't have to wake up any more." Is what I want my tombstone to say. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes
Do you ever feel like your body's "check engine" light is on but you're like "nah, I'll be fine"? Anonymous
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria. - Anonymous
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria. Anonymous
Beer Quotes Drinking Stupid Quotes

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