The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
I liked the movie Titanic, my favorite character was the iceberg.
I always mean what I say, I don't always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.
I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough.
I've always wanted to turn around in an executive chair and say "I've been expecting you."
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon.
I wake up looking better every day, but today I'm exaggerating.
I bet you anything that I can stop gambling right now.
The book of records wanted to give me the record for the biggest liar, but I lied that I moved out of the country.
If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
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