Read some of the funniest statements that have been made throughout time.
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.
Studying means 10% reading and 90% complaining to your friends that you have to study.
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.
Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back.
I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.
The surest sign that there's intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, is that it has never contacted us.
I get enough exercise just by pushing my luck!
I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.
Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time.
I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing.
I don't go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad!
I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up.
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