Read some of the funniest statements that have been made throughout time.
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.
Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time.
Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.
It's really complicated to make something simple, but very simple to make something something complicated.
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad!
I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.
Studying means 10% reading and 90% complaining to your friends that you have to study.
I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.
I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing.
When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep.
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor, and think "I'd tap that."
Everything happening now happens because of everything that has happened before.
I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.
He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.
I think it's clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up.
Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal.
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.
I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough.
I don't go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
Dear LOL, thank you for being there for me all those times I never had something else to say.
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