Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing.
I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough.
Dear LOL, thank you for being there for me all those times I never had something else to say.
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.
It's really complicated to make something simple, but very simple to make something something complicated.
He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.
I've always wanted to turn around in an executive chair and say "I've been expecting you."
The surest sign that there's intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, is that it has never contacted us.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
I liked the movie Titanic, my favorite character was the iceberg.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon.
It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too, and the day before that.
I bet you anything that I can stop gambling right now.
Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal.
I always mean what I say, I don't always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.
I don't go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
A misty day does not signify a cloudy day, it signifies frizzy hair.
I wake up looking better every day, but today I'm exaggerating.
I get enough exercise just by pushing my luck!
If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.
The book of records wanted to give me the record for the biggest liar, but I lied that I moved out of the country.
CoolFunnyQuotes.com © 2019