I wake up looking better every day, but today I'm exaggerating.
Dear LOL, thank you for being there for me all those times I never had something else to say.
I always mean what I say, I don't always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep.
I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing.
The surest sign that there's intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, is that it has never contacted us.
I've always wanted to turn around in an executive chair and say "I've been expecting you."
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
I only check my voice mail to get rid of the annoying little icon.
If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal.
He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.
The difference between running and walking is a lot more apparent when you have to go to the bathroom.
Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back.
I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up.
It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too, and the day before that.
I bet you anything that I can stop gambling right now.
I liked the movie Titanic, my favorite character was the iceberg.
The book of records wanted to give me the record for the biggest liar, but I lied that I moved out of the country.
Everything happening now happens because of everything that has happened before.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
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