Funny Statements

It's really complicated to make something simple, but very simple to make something something complicated.

There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.

I only check my voice mail to get rid of the annoying little icon.

Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back.

I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing.

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep.

I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad!

I bet you anything that I can stop gambling right now.

I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.

I've always wanted to turn around in an executive chair and say "I've been expecting you."

I always mean what I say, I don't always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.