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I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'
Anonymous
You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.
Anonymous
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Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could!
Anonymous
How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Anonymous
When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right.
Anonymous
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