Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake.
When someone yells stop I don't know whether it's in the name of love, it's Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.
I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live.
If I had 10 cookies and you took half, do you know what you would have? That's right, a black eye and a broken hand.
I hate mosquitoes. I mean, I know I am delicious, but I don't give out free samples.
All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza.
I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.
When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right.
Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars."
You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.
Never run away when you see a bear, unless you know you can beat some of the other runners.
Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer.
How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
You know you are lazy when you get excited about cancelling your plans.
I'm a Victoria's Secret model. It's such a secret, not even Victoria knows.
I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing.
I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
You never know what you have, until you clean your closet.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
My taste in music ranges from "You've gotta listen to this" to "I know, please don't judge me."
I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you're full of energy and you can't wait to get to work? Me neither!
