I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'
The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!
Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake.
When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right.
Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could!
Never run away when you see a bear, unless you know you can beat some of the other runners.
I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live.
All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza.
How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.
You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.
I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing.
I'm a Victoria's Secret model. It's such a secret, not even Victoria knows.
Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer.
Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars."
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
You know you are lazy when you get excited about cancelling your plans.
My taste in music ranges from "You've gotta listen to this" to "I know, please don't judge me."
You never know what you have, until you clean your closet.
I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
CoolFunnyQuotes.com © 2019