I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live.
I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing.
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'
I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today.
I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it.
I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire because that's dangerous. But a super humid room... well not too humid, because you know... my hair.
I hate mosquitoes. I mean, I know I am delicious, but I don't give out free samples.
Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars."
You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.
You know what part I like about waking up early? None.. let me go back to sleep.
You know you are lazy when you get excited about cancelling your plans.
Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer.
My taste in music ranges from "You've gotta listen to this" to "I know, please don't judge me."
Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do.
Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could!
The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!
When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right.
I don't know what's tighter, our jeans or our friendship.
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