Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

My body has absorbed so much soap, sanitizer and disinfectant, that now when I pee it cleans the toilet. Anonymous

Q: How did you vote this year?
A: With a mask and gloves.
Q: And what are you hoping for?
A: That I don't get infected.
Q: No I mean what do you hope will change after your vote?
A: My mask and gloves.
Q: So what do you think the results will be?
A: Some will be positive, some negative. Anonymous

Questions

They say money doesn't solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine. Anonymous

Money Quotes

I can't finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find. Anonymous

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever. Anonymous

Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

It's all fun and games until your jeans don't fit any more. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

You know you're a mom when you understand why mama bear's porridge was cold. Anonymous

Know Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

I'd take a nerf bullet for you. Anonymous

Love Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

After a lot of research, scientists have concluded that the most vitamins are found in the pharmacy. Anonymous

Stupid Quotes

I love making friends. I usually prefer to make them out of plaster and give them funny looking hats. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Top 100

Tried going out with my girlfriend but by the time she finished putting on her makeup the weekend was over. Anonymous

Life Quotes Time Quotes

I'm not bored of being quarantined, last night I even struck up a conversation with a spider. Turns out he's a web designer. Anonymous

Animals

Ironing boards are surf boards that quit before achieving their dream. Don't be an ironing board. Anonymous

Life Quotes

Birthdays are nature's way of feeding us cake. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump. Anonymous

Anonymous Funny Quotes

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