What are the two magic words that you can always use to make a shark happy? "Man Overboard!"
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I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump.
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How does the confused dog bark? Wutf? Wutf?
You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.
A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers: a lioness.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers.
You can teach a cat to do anything that it wants to do.
You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!
Sharks are not so bad... If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too.
What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys and turkeys.
Never play poker with the world's fastest animal, because he's a cheetah.
Pro Tip: In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place weiners and/or cheese slices in your pockets so the search dogs can find you first.
Be happy, it drives people crazy.
A good mood like is like a balloon, one prick is all it takes to ruin it.
My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.
A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking you for tonight's dinner!' The fish replies 'I already ate, can we go somewhere else?'
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