When I saw the monkeys at the zoo it reminded me of watching political debates on TV.
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Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote!
Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn't seen my big screen TV.
Ultimate lazy moment: Watching the sunrise on TV because you're too lazy to get up and watch it for real.
A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers: a lioness.
New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.
What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.'
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.
Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when I'm with you.
What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys and turkeys.
Me watching Olympics: Woah! That was outstanding! Announcer: Another devastating mistake.
Smile like a monkey with a new banana.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers.
Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix.
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