Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light.
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, 'Send one of my bags to New York, one to Los Angeles, and one to Miami.' She said, 'We can't do that!' I told her, 'You did it last week!'
Studying top moment: to exercise your memory and start sweating.
Luckiness top moment: To get run over by an ambulance.
That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you're not home.
There is no better moment to postpone something you don't want to do other than right now.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
What is the one machine at your local gym you should use to impress the ladies? The bank machine.
Sometimes I get road rage just pushing a shopping cart in a supermarket.
For this New Year's day, weather forecasters are warning of an incoming storm of hugs and kisses all over the planet... we advise closing your umbrella and opening your heart.
I once finished first on my running team, then the coach asked me where everyone else is.
That annoying moment when you're texting someone and auto-correct decides to join the conversation.
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