Funny Moments

I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.

That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you're not home.

Facebook status: I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion.

Today I will live in the moment... unless that moment becomes unpleasant, in which case I'll take a nap.

I believe there should be a better way to start each day... instead of waking up every morning.

That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.

Your idea is completely terrible... so what time shall we do it?

Sometimes I get road rage just pushing a shopping cart in a supermarket.

Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light.

Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members.

What is the one machine at your local gym you should use to impress the ladies? The bank machine.

Let's have a beer together, you can open it and I will drink it.

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, 'Send one of my bags to New York, one to Los Angeles, and one to Miami.' She said, 'We can't do that!' I told her, 'You did it last week!'